Can You Handle a Broken Heart or Will You Swipe on Tinder?

Focus your attention on what you DO want in your life.

All that we are is a result of what we have thought. Buddha

I recently had my heart broken – again. As per usual, I was devastated, thinking my life was over and that I’ll never find love.

Luckily, I was in the midst of reading the classic Law of Attraction book Ask and It Is Given. I had just started a virtual book club with some friends, in an attempt to hold myself accountable to reading instead of obsessing through yet another Netflix series. Ask and It Is Given was our first book – a book that I’ve been aware of for years and known that I can benefit from, and now my book club finally made me read it.

A key concept in Ask and It Is Given is that to achieve what we want, we must focus our attention on this very thing – not what we don’t want. This idea rang true to me: I want love, but surely I will not find it if I keep obsessing over the guy who dumped me!

Thus, the suggestion of shifting attention prompted me to find a new man on Tinder. Because when I do something, I like to be classy.

I started swiping as if there was no tomorrow and began texting with a couple of guys. Long story short, I didn’t exactly find the love of my life. Wise people might say that my strategy is unhelpful since it’s about distracting myself. But if a distraction helps me feel better for the moment (while I’m working on making better decisions for my relationships), I think that’s a great thing. Because the texting made me forget about my heartbreak for the day, it gave me a little hope, and I managed to move on with my life!

My Tinder experience made me think about how the method of changing focus can help when establishing healthy eating, which is what I help my clients achieve. I used to struggle with sugar addiction, with my full attention on quitting sugar. 

I now realize how I was making the situation difficult for myself! I remember walking through grocery stores feeling like a madwoman needing a straight jacket and blinders to be able to resist all of the foods that I told myself I wasn’t allowed. The mind games that I was playing were often too exhausting in the end, leaving me to fall back into my sugar addiction.

Are you familiar with this pattern of struggling to control yourself? What about stopping forcing it and instead shifting your focus on the eating that you do want? That is: healthy, delicious food that you’ll enjoy and that will make you feel good!

Because trust me: you don’t have to be sad about giving up sugar and junk food. It’s just about finding alternatives that work for you – and there are plenty. Here are a few suggestions to how to direct your attention to foods that will make you thrive!

Ways to Focus on Healthy Eating:

1. Learn new recipes. Exploring cooking can be especially useful if you’re challenged in the kitchen, since you’ll definitely need all your attention on making your dish. Bulletproof: The Cookbook is a great recipe source.

2. Enjoy a healthy dessert. The only way to realize that you’re not missing out! A simple one is to melt a bar of 85% chocolate (or higher) and mix with an avocado. If it’s not sweet enough, add xylitol.

3. Imagine the result of your healthy eating. What will you look like? Feel like? Get excited!

Alexia Bjarkan

Weight Loss Coach at The Benefactory.

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